My sweet boy,
It is always going to be a hard realization when I reflect back on our time together and see just how quickly time passes. I’m looking down at your sweet face as you sleep on my chest and wishing I could pause time. Instead I will savor this moment, feel each tiny breath against me, watch your tiny dimple come and go, and take in that sweet baby smell.
This month mommy learned what self-sacrifice means. It’s a completely new experience to put all your needs before my own. No one warned me I’d be feeding you between eight and ten hours a day and your feedings would so conveniently be when it’s time for me to eat too. Your dad and I had a good laugh when I ate macaroni off the top of your head… multitasking with you in my arms hasn’t come so naturally. I’m definitely still figuring out how to take care of myself so I can better care for you.
I’ve also learned what this wild, uncontrollable, unlimited, unconditional love feels like because of you. You’re the one who bursts my heart wide open. You have changed everything for me. Not only are you the first person to make me “forget myself,” but you’re the first I’ve told “I love you” to hundreds of times a day, and the first whose vomit I’ve just sort of slept in.
Everyday I wonder how it’s possible that you’re changing and growing right before my eyes. My heart leaps when I hear new little noises and see new expressions. In just these few short weeks you’ve already grown so strong! You’re lifting and turning your head often, and gripping fingers with might! You definitely reassure me that I’m feeding you well because you’ve already grown so much and gained over three pounds! You only fit in newborn sized clothes for about two weeks!
Some of your favorite things this month has been looking at Christmas lights, looking out windows, car rides, your activity mat in the mornings… and most certainly eating.
When you’re upset, we try our hardest to figure out why you’re crying. If a clean diaper, feeding, burping, singing, or rocking doesn’t solve the problem, you are instantly soothed when you lay in my arms and we bounce gently on the birth ball. Whether we’re walking, rocking, bouncing or in the car, you sure seem to be the happiest when we’re moving. This kind of makes mom regret being so active as you grew in my belly, because even then you’d sleep while I was always on the move.
Your presence has made me love your daddy even more. During your first two weeks of life your dad took such good care of us while I was still healing. He became a professional at diaper changes and swaddling instantly. He also made sure I had the things I needed nearby and never complained when he had to get up and grab 1000 things for us along the way. When you’re upset and in dads arms, his favorite way to soothe you is to bounce you while singing “Smelly Cat” or his rendition “Smelly Baby.” I love watching him talk about you and beam with pride to be a family of three. Some moments we share watching you together, we laugh at your silly expressions and goofy grunts. Neither of us will ever grow tired of watching your new developments.
Thank you for bringing so much joy to my life and for all the things you’ve already taught me. Your life has so much potential and I pray that we can parent you in the best ways to raise you to be everything you were created to be. I pray you grow to be strong and mighty and a world changer.
Love you forever,